Have you ever gotten a text that just immediately got you wanting sex? I’m not talking about sexting, I’m talking about a plain, not overtly sexual text that made you want to do it. It happens—words have incredible power, and someone who knows what they’re doing with words, such as a writer, is able to make you feel a wide range of emotions and reactions, and many times that reaction is let’s do it now! A writer can seduce you by simply writing an email that describes you in such a way that even if you only spend a few hours together, you’ll remember your time together forever. Writers live for lasting impressions.
Yes, some writers can drink a little too much, some may be kind of dickish, but sometimes they’re so good at feeling the emotions that you’re feeling, it’s as if they can read your soul, and there’s nothing as sexy as feeling as if someone is really getting you.
The one thing about writers that everybody can agree on is that most writers are really good at sex—since it’s kind of part of their job description. How can they write about something that’s as crucial to the human experience as sex is, if they’ve never done it? They’re open to doing almost anything for material that they can later use in their writing and that includes having as much sex as possible.
Writers are willing to work at their craft, and this discipline is helpful when mastering what it is that will makes you scream.
1. Writers are sensual
This is a good thing, when you’re having sex with someone you want them to create a mind-body experience beyond just the physical. A writer incorporates all their senses into sexing with you from the way they touch you, to how the light shines off your skin or how your lips still taste of your peach flavored lip balm.
2. Everything is inspiration.
You know going into having sex with a writer that the possibility that everything you do with them is going to wind up in a poem, essay, or piece of fiction. Accept that what they write about you may not be nice, or that you might be part of many characters. Try to look at the bright side, you will be immortal without having to drink blood and stay out of the sun.
3. Genius can strike at any time.
You never know when a writer is going to get that flash of inspiration when they finally know who killed their main character with an ice statue. They may not want to go slow, or have a cuddle-session after sex. It isn’t personal, they just need to get into the writing zone.
4. Writers are obsessed with all-things coffee.
Writers are always drinking coffee, hanging out in coffee shops, and even if they have very few possessions, they will have a coffee machine. Coffee is a food group for writers, who drink it all day long and never complain if it keeps them up. They want it to keep them up.
5. Faking it isn’t cool.
Writers are born with a talent for knowing when people are trying to play them. Never say you’ve read their work if you haven’t, and don’t say you will if you have no intention of doing so. Writers have a built in BS meter and will know if you’re just going through the motions.
6. Writers see all.
Writers need to be observant which is a good thing for you, because it makes them aware of and attentive to your needs. They saw that you really responded to that thing they did with their lips. Now they’re going to do it again only slower and counter clockwise
7. Creativity is super-hot.
If you have sex with a writer it won’t be the same three positions in the same order over and over again. They have amazing imaginations, and can’t wait to show you stuff that you’ve never thought was possible or even a thing. Reverse waterfall, anyone?
8. Writers talk dirty.
If you enjoy having someone talk dirty to you, you want someone who knows all the classics and yet can put some new naughty phrases together as well, just to keep things fresh and exciting.
9. Breaking the rules can be epic.
If you have some fantasies or positions that you’ve always wanted to try, a writer is happy to help you out.There’s nothing a writer enjoys as much as pushing boundaries and breaking social norms.
10. Socially awkward can be sexy as hell.
Sometimes a writer can be carrying on a conversation with someone at a party while having an entirely different conversation in their head. But when you’re the focus for a writer, even for a short period, you will feel incredible. Many writers have that hot nerd thing going on.
11. Writing is a real job.
Sure a writer may still be in their pajamas at 6:00 in the afternoon, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t been working for hours. On the plus side, it’s not that difficult to take off those pajamas and get busy.
12. Writers will make you feel beautiful.
You may not like certain parts of your body — that’s normal. The good thing about a writer looking at you is that they only see your beauty. When you see yourself through their eyes, as something beautiful and unique, you may never see your supposed flaws again.
Writers are equal parts artist, thinker and voyeur. They need to make every action, every experience count so they can use it for their work. Having sex with a writer changes the way you view the world and yourself. And you never know you may end up being the inspiration for something amazing and lasting as a beautiful piece of writing.